I have been under the misconception that I am the perfect girlfriend. As a matter fact, my girlfriend psychosis is deep. It’s a cornucopia of stereotypical Stepford wife methods, rap lyrics, and rhetoric that I thought made me “perfect”. There were times I felt like a cocktail made of one ounce Tupac’s Me and My Girlfriend, three teaspoons Nia Long (pick any movie), and three part’s TLC Crazy, Sexy, Cool. The end result was a skewed understanding of self. It also left me wondering why none of my boyfriends really knew me. I realized that me and my next level girlfriend attitude was coming in between me and any man I entertained on a romantic level. Continue reading “Why I Killed My Girlfriend Ego | Seriously Single”
Before you consider having me committed hear me out, because we might just be sharing a man. There comes a time when you have to be satisfied with being single. In my twenties, I would have conversations with women and ask them how did they prepare themselves to be in a long term relationship. They all would say, “I got happy with being single”. In all honesty, back then I thought all of my friends were liars but now I understand because I am finally content with just me, well just me and Netflix.
Being happy with yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be in a relationship it means that you will not get involved with someone for the sake of saying that you are in a relationship. Every now and then on a random Sunday evening, I wonder why am I not dating, nothing serious just some male company. When I think about how I spend my free time, I realized that I am basically sabotaging my own chances of dating. If I have a moment to spare I want to shop (hello, blogger), go to art exhibits, eat at the newest local restaurants, or go to open mic poetry. If I do see men at these places they are usually accompanying someone else. So basically the way my hobbies set up, I’m reducing the chances of meeting a single man.
I have a full-time job, I write a blog, and I am running a business so dating isn’t a big priority for me. Most nights I am working on a project and when I finally can get myself to rest I turn on Netflix. I’m not watching Netflix like most people to binge watch a new series. I can honestly say that I habitually watch the same things over and over again. Once I am done editing a post or emailing a client I am downright delighted to watch While You Were Sleeping, Sleepless in Seattle, or Hav Plenty.
I could gush and tell you every sweet and hopelessly romantic moments in 90% of the movies available labeled under romantic comedy. The number of times I streamed Bridgette Jones’s Diary is shameful to a degree that I care not to describe. It’s almost to the point where if I do go out I can often drift off and think I could be at home with Netflix. I rush home to binge-watch A Different World so that I can watch Dwayne Wayne fall in love with Whitley for the 700th time. I was in bed watching An Affair to Remember for what had to be the 175th time and I thought “I think I may be in a deeper relationship with these movie characters than I realize.”
I like the men who have been written into a script way more than the ones in real life who struggle to say something clever when introducing themselves. If a man is a little too witty that can be an indication that he’s player. There are just too many factors of uncertainty when I can just go home and lean on the dependability of Tom Hanks in the 90s. Lack of time and options has created a high level of disinterest in interacting with actual physical men.
From reading this you could think that my expectations for a “real boy” are too high but I beg to differ. I love men in movies because they’re vocal and unafraid to make the first move, they’re thoughtful, and usually come bearing gifts. All of those components are my love language. Netflix is also my safe space for romanticism. It’s just me and Cary Grant and there is no need to get over emotional about anything.
What can I say? I’m busy and the thought of making the time to be at the right place at the right time so that I can meet a “real boy” seems like over exerting myself. I have spent the majority of my adult years being someone’s girlfriend and I am having fun working on me. The hour or two a week that I wish that I had a male companion is best spent watching fictional men. I’m sure at some point the universe will align and kismet will write an amazing man into my script but until then it’s just me and Netflix.
This is the start to my Seriously Single series. So expect to hear more about my adventures of being smart, busy, and single. How’s your love life? Are you dating? Let me know in the comments below because I could use some dating inspiration.
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