I had just come back from a conference geared towards curvy women and heard about Dia & Co. If you’ve never heard of them, they’re a plus size clothing brand that advocates women to be more confident in every outfit! After the conference, I felt fearless, like who is afraid of the big bad wolf? Not me, right? As I looked through my closet certain that I wasn’t afraid of anything in there, fear was hanging on a purple Joy Mangano huggable hanger. A cute body con dress that I felt would look so good on me when I was online shopping only to receive it and remember that I don’t have an hour glass shape. Continue reading “It Was All Good… And Then”
I can’t possibly give one real f#$k about what people think about my body. I’m too busy trying to create new norms. When ever my daughter comes into my bedroom unannounced while I am changing, she has to let me know, “mom you have a FUPA!” First I had to ask, “what is a FUPA?” (It didn’t take me long to realize she was talking about my stomach). We both get a good laugh in and then I remind her that my body is just as beautiful as hers. Anytime my daughter makes a statement about my FUPA I tell her straight up you know what say about my body isn’t actually affecting me. At 15, I can never truly tell what is penetrating her psyche but I do hope my body acceptance is rubbing off on her.
My body commands respect
My body should never be neglected
My body is the carrier of a beautiful soul, deep intelligence, and opinions
My body is filled with laughter, love, and soul food recipes
I was skinny as a teenager and it was awesome! When I was skinny I remember people ridiculing me about having chicken legs, about how high my butt is, and just anything. As I got older I gained weight, then started the questions. You gaining weight are you pregnant? You gained some weight, too much ice cream? Even now I still get scolded for being on the small end of the plus size spectrum when people tell me you’re not really fat. People will make observations, that is what people do. I learned to stop allowing it to bother me.
I am human. I have days where I feel like I need improvement. I know when it’s time to get the salad and not the burger. When it’s time to work out and when I just could flat out careless. My body and I are in a relationship. When you are in a long term relationship you don’t “like” that person every second of the day but you’ve made a commitment to stand by them regardless. I try to give my body everything that it wants water, food, crop tops, and the occasional high waisted bikini. If someone has a problem with me or my body it’s us against them. Accepting my own body has helped me to be an advocate for all women’s bodies.
My body is made for couture but will slay in ready to wear
My body is rocking this sun dress, crop top, short skirt, leggings, boyfriend tee
My body is the reflection of both of my grandmothers, mama, and daddy
My body shows traits of my family tree
Long legs, round stomach, narrow hips, booty so high I could sit on a telephone pole without reaching
Ultimately you have to decide when you are comfortable and when you are uncomfortable with the way you look. The choice is not up to some asshole who makes a crude comment. A man made a comment about the way my body is shaped recently and I laughed it off because if the best he could do was talk about my shape, he’s lame. Body acceptance, body positivity, and confidence aren’t magical tricks. I’m not pulling these terms out of a hat and applying them as needed. I embrace them deep within my own mind as tools to better love myself so when some asshole speaks out of a place of malice about my body I can truly not give one flying f&%k!
My body is
A non negotiable term
And you will accept it in all of it’s forms
My body is a rebel
And does not need to conform to what’s attractive this week
Desirable body traits change like phases of the moon and I have come to accept mine
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Have a seat. I saved a seat at the desirable woman table just for you. I believe there is a common misconception in the mindset of women that you have to earn desirability. That you have to be a certain size, have the right shape and anything deemed normal or average is not worthy of being celebrated. I feel like I am in good company when I say that I am an everyday woman. I don’t think anything separates me from any other woman because we are more alike than we are different. The more I write about body positivity and body acceptance I am learning that you can accept your body without celebrating it.
When my good friend Amanda, owner of Dayton Boudoir, said that she was interested in shooting some boudoir looks with a curvier client I jumped at the opportunity. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to show and prove that desirability is a state of mind and not a state of being Taking time out of your busy schedule to get back in touch with what makes you feel attractive can be deemed frivolous but many of us feel a sense of loss when we can’t care for ourselves.
The best part about working with Dayton Boudoir is that Amanda is not just there to take a picture. She is concerned with your entire experience and it creates a pampering spa-like feeling with professional makeup and hair styling included with your session.Before our session, Amanda asked me about what looks I wanted to create and we collaborated on a Pinterest board to share ideas on looks for my shoot. She even sent me a survey to get a feel of what I would feel comfortable with on the day of the session. Anyone can take a picture but Amanda consults with you to ensure she captures women of various shapes and sizes at their best.
Grading On A Curve | How To Select The Best Lingerie
The first thing you want to do is consider what are your favorite features of your body. This is not a time to be vigilant, worried and mean to yourself. Get in a positive thinking space and think about what features you love to showcase when you go out. Once you know what you want to highlight you can then begin to consider pieces.(find my red bra and panty set here)
If you like your legs
If you’ve got legs for days the best way to play them up is with great shoes. A great pair of heels makes your legs look even longer and if the shoe has playful elements like lace up straps or intricate details around your ankle it will draw even more attention to your legs. Be sure to pick shorter pieces. You can wear a great bra and panty set under a men’s button down shirt that is long enough to cover your bottom and hits you mid thigh in the front. You can also belt the shirt to create a waist. Just be sure the shirt is free of wrinkles and is a little over-sized.
If you like your decolletage (cleavage)
Take the time to get fitted to make sure you’re purchasing the right size bra. A great fitting bra is a foundation to showcasing your beautiful decolletage. I found bras with super sexy details at Torrid. Another trick is if you find a super sexy bralette that doesn’t have an underwire wear your strapless bra underneath for additional support. If you’ve found a sexy teddy and you feel comfortable with going braless purchase some pasties the same color as your lingerie or flesh tone pasties if you can find them. I found great pasties on Amazon.
If you like your backside
So this isn’t my favorite feature on my body but if you have sexy hips showcase them with figure-hugging corsets. Be sure to update your underwear drawer with panties with strappy details.Bring some longer length necklaces and wear them backward and let the necklace dangle down your back to draw the eye down.
If you’re concerned about your midsection (aka your tummy)
Amanda with Dayton Boudoir is a pro with posing for photos to get your best angle. If you’re concerned about styling options and your tummy no worries. Robes and jackets are your friend. Don’t be afraid to think out of the box. A light longline duster or your favorite leather jacket can work styling wonders. In the picture above it looks like I’m wearing a robe but it’s actually a kimono I found at H&M (see Forever 21+ Kimono here).
Don’t categorize yourself as unworthy or undesirable because you’re not your goal weight or you think you don’t meet social body standards. Desire is a “wanting” or mystery. The mystery is not about traveling to new places or being something that you are not, but looking with new eyes. Amanda with Dayton Boudoir has the artistic eye that will capture you at your most desirable. If you got engaged over the holidays a boudoir session would be a wonderful groom’s gift on the night of your wedding. I think this form of art is for all women and not just for the romantically attached. When I showed my mom my pictures she said that she wished she had done this in her thirties. When I’m 80 I will be able to look back at myself and say with certainty that, “I had it going on!”
Be sure to book your session now with Dayton Boudoir (937) 938-8923 or on Facebook
* 1 hour photoshoot with professional hair & makeup
* 2 outfits & just sheets look
* LIttle Black Book with up to 15 images
* digital version of album images with reproduction release
* Custom Valentine for your someone special * payment plans & gift certificates available
I know glamorous self-care can seem frivolous or even like something you don’t have time to invest in. In a society that is constantly making women feel like they don’t measure up and that they have to supersede an unrealistic beauty standard, boudoir cuts through the noise. You’ll see yourself in your best light and desirable. This will create a ripple effect into knowing your beauty has a place in this world.
For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe by clicking the follow button. You can also follow me on Facebook OhWize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!