Lavender, it’s not just for Easter Sunday. It’s actually the coolest color of the season and you should be plotting on ways to incorporate more of it into your wardrobe.
Lavender, it’s not just for Easter Sunday. It’s actually the “it” color of the season and you should be plotting on ways to incorporate more of it into your wardrobe. Much like the “it” color of last season blush (which is still in!) it’s so easy to add touches of this soothing hue into your rotation because it pairs well with denim, white, black, and other pastels.
If you’re nervous about wearing a light pastel you can always incorporate lavender accessories, nail polish, and handbags into your look. Before you opt out of wearing the color of the season I want to dispel the myth that light colors make you look bigger. There are items that legit make you look bigger than you actually are such as an ill-fitting garment, unforgiving fabrics, and misplaced volume like random ass ruffles. (Please make the random ruffles stop!!)
If you are dying to rock head to toe lavender be conscientious of the fit of the item and the weight of the fabric. There is no quicker way to turn a good thing bad than with a fabric that “looks cheap”. I found the perfect harmony between price and quality with this dress from Old Navy
Lavender pieces that you’ll LOVE!
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Spring is starting to feel like a guy who didn’t call me back after a first date. What happened? I thought we had a good thing going! If you’re anything like me your excitement for warmer weather is tied to dress season coming back in full effect. I wanted to share with you 9 plus size dresses that you will want to snag now while it’s still cold outside.
9 Plus Size Dresses You’ll Want to Wear Now
The word flattering gets a lot of flack but in my opinion, knowing a dress is universally flattering makes it easier to wear. A dress that fits you well is perfect for days that you need to grab something chic to wear and head out the door. These dresses are easy breezy no-brainers. I love the fact that all of these dresses have flexibility and are perfect for brunch but are best in your carry-on for vacation.
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As much as I love shopping at boutiques it can be challenging to find items above a size 10. I love how the internet comes to the rescue and I can buy from online boutiques that carry plus sizes.
Shopping at smaller boutiques always adds interesting pieces to your wardrobe. If you hate to see someone else in your outfit I highly recommend shopping at boutiques. Smaller inventory means you are less likely to see someone else rocking the same slay as you. As much as I love shopping at boutiques it can be challenging to find items above a size 10. I love how the internet comes to the rescue and I can buy from online boutiques that carry plus sizes.
In the past, I had preconceived notions about online boutiques. The problem with an online boutique is, unlike a Target or Lane Bryant., you can’t try the item on prior to purchasing them. My other issue with online boutiques is the same thing with large retailers, there is usually a limited selection and maybe one or two skintight dresses made of what I like to call “stretch and fit” material that appears thin and unflattering.
I eventually challenged myself on my preconceived notions because I really wanted to add some more “unique” styles to my wardrobe. I looked for shops that offered extended selections beyond just club wear. I love having sexy options for evening but I was really looking to add some unexpected, fun, and sophisticated options into my spring/summer wardrobe. Plus, you miss 100% of all the shots you don’t shoot so I decided to take a shot and shop a few boutiques and I was pleasantly surprised.
5 Plus Size Online Boutiques that Cater to Your Grown Woman Style
Can we talk about this top I have on? When my blogger boo @Feednclothme went from blogger to online boutique I was so excited. I knew her transition meant that the selection would be curated by someone with amazing personal style. She has a nice selection of feminine tops, maxi dresses, and coordinating sets that will give all the fly vibes.
Now there are some sexy looks perfect for a night out on the town. ChicandCurvy.com always carries items with a lot of sophisticated details. Be sure to check the size chart and know your measurements anything I have ordered from them has run very true to size.
Ok, I haven’t personally shopped here but several of my friends and clients have. I love everything on Jibri! Jibri’s innovative, well made, colorful, and of the moment pieces will be items you will keep in your wardrobe forever. Also if you’re a plus size bride in search of something different for your special day I would check out their bridal selection. There are definitely some gems to be found. I see your reception dress and you look fabulous!
If you’re about to vacation check Zellie for She, this is not a drill! Zellie For She always has something perfect for casually just slaying on the beach. The slayage will be so real! Long flowing maxi dresses that scream take me to the beach. If you love prints you will adore the selection of separates. This line is grown, sexy, with lots of frequent flyer miles.
I love the selection and the versatility that a lot of the items at KenBri Boutique. The selection will not disappoint you. Everyone will ask you, “where did you get that from?” This would be a great place to start looking for items to wear to summer concerts. I have a few items on my wishlist and will be sharing in some upcoming looks on the blog!! #staytuned
Here are a few tips on online boutique shopping
Don’t Waste Your Money. Look for Reviews!! All of the sites I mentioned above share and repost pictures from their customers. If you only see written reviews that are at best mixed and no interaction with customers on social media don’t shop with them. When I am shopping I type in the name of the boutique in google and see if you can find any reviews from other bloggers. A blogger will give you a more in-depth review on the product and have more pictures of the merchandise. You can get a closer look. If it seems to be too good to be true it probably is.
2. Know Your Measurements and Read the Return Policy! If you don’t have measuring tape please go to the dollar store now and buy one. Return policy’s matter. You don’t want to be stuck with a very expensive garment that didn’t meet your expectations. You will be double mad!
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I’m not sure if I’m paranoid or if I have yet to master the art of accepting a compliment. I have this sneaking suspicion that confidence is a code. A disguise lingering in the comments section lurking under “WERK” and the handclap emojis praising your latest Fashion Nova Curve purchase. Up until recently, I was willing to dismiss comments like “I wish I had that kind of confidence”, as innocent, but not all praises of confidence are created equal.
I’m not sure if I’m paranoid or if I have yet to master the art of accepting a compliment. I have this sneaking suspicion that confidence is a code. A disguise lingering in the comments section lurking under “WERK” and the handclap emojis praising your latest Fashion Nova Curve purchase. Up until recently, I was willing to dismiss comments like “I wish I had that kind of confidence”, as innocent, but not all praises of confidence are created equal.
I stumbled across a video of The Alabama Honey Beez drill team that my friend shared on social media. Her caption read “These girls are getting it!” It immediately made me stop and watch it. I was filled with excitement and envy because I wish so badly that had some rhythm. When I noticed the caption from the original source of the shared video it read “I wish I was this confident.”
I didn’t want to take a defensive stance but there lies a certain level of truth in any initial reaction. It made me ask myself “What is so confident about a dance team?” Who would voluntarily try out to be on a dance team if they couldn’t, well, dance? Is ability, skill and practice confidence or talent? The vibe that I caught from the caption that offered a proclamation of confidence was shady!
Shady in the sense that someone would make the assumption that big girls can’t dance. As if, they were saying if I was that big I wouldn’t be dancing let alone be on a dance team. Like this group of talented women need some proverbial confidence cookie. This video is not the only time I see confidence being used as code for “Oh look at you. You’re fat but look at you trying”. I always want to reply to “confident” comments with “take your confidence and….” (you know the rest)
People are quick to say things like “I admire your confidence” after you post a picture of yourself on vacation in a bathing suit. What’s so confident about swimming on vacation? Please tell me. I think a lot of this confidence is people just doing what they genuinely want to do and it doesn’t make them any more confident than the next person. Fulfilling a desire to do anything isn’t confidence. Confidence is firm trust and you don’t have to trust anything to do what you want to do. I often want french fries from Mc Donald’s. I don’t trust Mc Donald’s I just like french fries regardless of the lingering consequences.
As a blogger, I experience blatant misuse of the word confidence all the time. People admire my confidence to have style or wear a bodycon dress. I know some people genuinely do lack confidence for their own personal reasons but when people say I admire your confidence to my face with a twisted mouth and tone riddled with pity, I know what they mean. I’ll pass on their confidence cookies. I’d rather eat Mc Donald’s, it’s less toxic.
Like I said, this could all be just my imagination running away with me, but I don’t think it is. Your mother told you if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Most people translate that into if you don’t have anything nice to say find a way to rephrase it so you can still say something mean. If you have experienced the tail end of unwarranted “confidence” just remember your living your best life. Well if your best life is eating secret fries maybe not but at least you’re doing what you want to do!
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In a perfect world, no one should judge you based on your appearance. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. Making a good first impression is the gateway to creating more interest in who you are as a person. People like to pass off style as superficial but how you dress is nonverbal communication. What does your style say about you when you interact with people for the first time?
In a perfect world, no one should judge you based on your appearance. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. Making a good first impression is the gateway to creating more interest in who you are as a person. People like to pass off style as superficial but how you dress is nonverbal communication. What does your style say about you when you interact with people for the first time?
Few things surprise me as much meeting a woman whose success is inconspicuous based on her attire. In no way do I want to discredit a woman because of how she dresses but I’m fully aware of the reality that if a woman is dressed less than a BOSS, she may be treated as such, at least upon the first impression. I never want anyone to mistake her for anything other than what she is! I feel what you wear should exude who you are and what you do. So, today I wanted to give tips on how to “look successful”. (The good news is I’m not breaking the bank either!)
Shop my look:
I’d Rather You MIstake Me For The Boss
As the old saying goes sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. If you are just starting out in corporate America, have an important meeting, or giving a presentation you need to look like you’re in charge. This even applies to entrepreneurs. When you’re out and about you never know who you will run into. Looking successful can help turn a casual run-in into an impromptu meeting. This is just one more way of contributing to your environment because if you look accomplished you will, in turn, believe it. That will give you the confidence to actually be successful.
Boss on a Budget Essentials
You’re not the boss yet? If you want to look successful and not break the bank here are my top tips:
Thrift- I know that is not what you want to hear but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten lucky shopping second hand. Just keep your eyes open and do not thrift when you’re in a rush. You can find a great blazer or even business accessories like briefcases/messenger bags perfect for toting around your laptop in at a great price
A Power Suit- When you find one that fits you’ll understand why they call it a POWER suit. The power suit is huge for spring. An affordable power suit isn’t impossible to find. The one I’m wearing is from TARGET (Available up to a 3X)!! Now is not the time to look stuffy. Just think of your suit as a coordinating set. Don’t be afraid to mix it up and wear a fun print under your blazer. Get the best cost per wear and split up your suit jacket and pants by restyling them with other items in your wardrobe.
Nude Pumps- They go with everything… black, blue and brown!! You name it, they work!
Go monochromatic for the win- If you’re in an ultra-professional atmosphere you will want to stay in a basic color (black, white, navy, gray, olive). If you work in a creative atmosphere you can venture out to more colorful pastures. Wearing a head to toe color looks extremely expensive and chic. Bonus is it also makes you look taller if you’re petite! Nothing says boss like expensive. Looking like money will attract money that’s. That’s universal law. Ok, I made that up but it sounds good!
Alterations- If you are lazy like me waiting for alterations feels daunting but just remember nothing ruins a look faster than an ill-fitting garment. Tailored clothes gives a polished look that says rich. Waiting a few days to get the perfect fit it will set you apart in a room full of ready to wear suits off the rack.
It’s More Than Just a Look
If you have the goods it’s imperative to have a look of authority because it’s a natural instinct to believe what your eyes are seeing. You can apply these tips to fit your work atmosphere. Walking into a room and looking like a success sets the tone and everyone knows how to address you from the start. Good luck boss lady!
To schedule, a personal shopping appointment or a virtual styling session click here. For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe. You can also follow me on Facebook Oh Wize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!
There are so many variations of business meet-ups there is the networking happy hour, professional development talks, lunch and learns, and full day professional conferences From my own experience all of these events have a relaxed professional feel. Just because you can wear jeans to something doesn’t always mean that you should.
Meeting new people makes me feel really anxious.
I am always here for an empowering #girlboss gathering. I am always searching my newsfeed trying to find my next opportunity mix, mingle, and exchange business cards with cool women in business like myself. The problem is that networking is essentially talking to people you don’t know and striking up a conversation with a stranger has never been my strong suit. If you are gun shy like me showing up and looking like you belong can actually start conversations you would have never started on your own.
There are so many variations of business meet-ups there is the networking happy hour, professional development talks, lunch and learns, and full day professional conferences. From my own experience, all of these events have a relaxed professional feel. Just because you can wear jeans to something doesn’t always mean that you should.
A look that speaks to others always makes you stand out without being overly ostentatious. Do use this opportunity to incorporate pieces of your wardrobe that show off your personality because that will turn into a talking point when you and others are struggling to segway small talk into asking about your business endeavors.
Top Ten Tips to Make Your Outfit Speak
Plan ahead. I feel like I am always saying this but it helps. You don’t want to find out at the last minute that your go-to outfit has a broken zipper or doesn’t fit the way you remember. If you are shopping your own closet be sure to make time to have your items dry cleaned or professionally pressed. Low on cash? Ironing in advance will save you a few pennies but who wants to iron at the last minute?
Start your search for the perfect separates now. Invest in a blazer I know it’s hard finding the perfect fit and to make it easy for yourself shop where they have in-store alterations. (Nordstrom Rack, K&G, Nordstrom all have on-site alterations)
A great pair of non-denim pants, and stay away from khakis without any lycra content because who wants to iron? I know pants are hard for many body types as a plus size tulip shape here are some of my favorite pants: Eloquii Kady Pant (Gena Fit) Pant, New York & Co. Wide Leg pant size 18, Target Ava & Viv Slacks. A shell,. in non-old lady terms, a shell is an undershirt made of woven fabric that can be worn under a blazer. Having a few will help you mix and match separates and stretch out your semi-professional looks so you’re not constantly searching for new things to wear to an event.
Spice up a dress. I love the trench coat inspired dress pictured above. I am wearing a patterned bodysuit underneath for additional coverage of my arms. Also, what are the chances I will run into another woman wearing the same bodysuit under my dress? Pretty slim. Finding a great dress is so easy but when your buying clothes from major retailers someone else may have also found that same great dress adding additional interest to a look also helps you stand apart.
Crisp, is the word I associate with all business functions. Look for pieces that have suiting elements but aren’t actual suiting. Look for suiting patterns like tweed, pinstripe, and plaids that look inspired by menswear. The menswear-inspired pattern will give an item with more of relaxed silhouette a business feel so it feels relaxed but still looks professional.
Great flats, I know I have on heels in this post but do as I say and not as I do, LOL. After going to several conferences last year I learned the hard way your shoes need to be comfortable. There can be a lot of walking and standing at these events. I love these flats for spring: here, here
Be comfortable. You’ve been warned this is not the day for your good girdle, shoes that hurt your feet, or dresses with buttons that are in distress.
Keep it young and fresh. It’s ok to bring relaxed elements to your office staples. That’s what this networking look is all about. Wear a date night blouse with slacks or if you want to rock a t-shirt and jeans to a happy hour mixer pair that combination with your suit blazer. Even better pair low top sneakers with your suit for a fun twist.
Have fun with accessories. A pop of color, a cool pin on your lapel, or unique jewelry are all awesome pieces that will draw attention to your look in a good way. Just remember to keep wear these pieces in moderation. Remeber this should be an accent to your look and not overkill.
My biggest attention-grabbing secret. A power bag. You’ve heard of a power suit. Well, what about a power bag. Sometimes it’s designer and sometime’s it’s not. It’s usually in a standout color or has ornate hardware but it always grabs attention. I can’t tell you how many networking contacts I started conversations with after getting a compliment on my bag. This convertible tote is perfect because you can wear it all together or unzip the front pouch and wear it as a clutch.
Your outfit can only say so much
Keep in mind that your outfit may start the conversation but you will have to close the deal. Smile, try not to look deeply uncomfortable (hardest part) and be confident you deserve to be in the room. This is your chance to extend your circle and make some new contacts. I always find that people are often just as nervous as I am. Making your outfit work is just you getting into character so it’s not a Banna Republic blazer it’s a cape helping you step into the role of Super Woman. You got this girl!
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What I’m about to admit is the adult female equivalent of sucking your thumb after infancy…
I still love my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want to get back together but he’s my favorite least favorite guy.
What I’m about to admit is the adult female equivalent of sucking your thumb after infancy…
I still love my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want to get back together but he’s my favorite least favorite guy. By that, I mean nothing has replicated the exhilaration of experiencing him in every way. He’s like a tall tale or an urban myth I tell myself whenever I date a new guy who is lackluster or just isn’t what I want in that moment. He’s a legend, in my mind. It’s not a competition but if my ex-boyfriend was whole milk I just never adjusted to 2%. On the bright side, no one has detrimentally hurt my feelings as much either. There are pros and cons to this situation.
Back to my grown woman binky. The shame that I own for loving a guy I know I won’t ever be with is not as pitiful as it sounds, anymore. He was the perfect storm of a man. He was devastatingly handsome, it felt like we were the best of friends. and most of all it felt like he got me. We were like an inside joke that no one else got. We were like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer only in reverse. A tale of one person falling in love and the other person just going through the motions. I was stuck with memories of a failed relationship and he just moved on (and on, and, and on again).
What is a girl to do with residual feelings after you’ve talked to all of your girlfriends one thousand times about the same guy?
At a certain point, I realized how pathetic I sounded and I decided to move on because he had done so at least four times over. They say the easiest way to get over an old guy is to get under a new one and that is a lie. It’s the biggest lie ever because when the initial thrill wears off I revert. When the new car smell of my new love interest fades I lay on my side and secretly suck my pacifier.
How can I expose the most real parts of me, and not be terrified? I take responsibility and acknowledge that I took part in allowing negligent, narcissistic, manipulative behavior rule of my better senses. I sold myself at the low cost of keeping him for just a little longer. I’ve sucked this pacifier for way longer than I should have because knowing that I’ve already loved someone to that extent is easier than expecting another love to eclipse what once was. While other women are writing positive affirmations in order to attract the loves of their lives with optimistic glee, I hid in a corner with my secret bad habit.
I read a quote the other day (Yes it was on Instagram! Don’t judge me.)
“The best of you is not what you lost in the one who left, but in all the pieces they couldn’t take with them” -Pavana
For all the pieces of me that miss the guy who would kiss me until I fell asleep, talk to me until the sun came up and made me laugh, I realize those are only the good things I chose to remember. It’s a mind manipulation of sorts. He was a mirror reflecting back on to me showing me what I wanted to see. What I really fell in love with was the best my love had to offer and from time to time I just get sad that I can’t express myself in that way. (That and my ex-boyfriend was earth shatteringly good in bed but I digress.)
Here’s another quote:
If you sit in shit too long it stops smelling- Jennifer Lewis
Unrequited love is top heavy. The weight is badly distributed and the relationship eventually just topples over.
It’s also toxic because you convince yourself that the more you prove your love to that person it will change how they feel about you. After a while, you just feel like vermin doomed to be exterminated. The worst part is love doesn’t just disappear. I wish it did because I carried my dirty secret for way longer than I would like to admit. After my tower of love for my ex fell I didn’t really clean up the mess, I just gathered all the pieces and just shoved them into a closet and closed the door and prayed that no one would ever notice.
After infancy, your mom weans you from your pacifier and you have to learn to self-soothe. I’ve done my work, I’ve read books, I’ve abstained, I’ve given it up, at this point I’ve done it all. In this instance, I have to be the child and the mother and just let go of this horrible disgusting habit. This time it’s not because everyone is watching or because I found out he has another girlfriend but because I’m tired of him holding space he doesn’t actually deserve nor desires to be in. He’s not even that dude. If I was the only one in love he’s more fantasy than reality and I can fantasize about Michael B. Jordan like everyone else.
I think you keep a little bit of the love you have for people you loved that much. It’s unrealistic to think you won’t love someone after things don’t work out. Honestly loving him helped me get over him because I found that I can love him from anywhere. I can love him from my house. I can love him and never call, never visit, never make direct eye contact. Love him and keep all of my “never ever agains” intact. I just hope that one day I meet a guy who is so dope I forget that I ever had a metaphorical mental pacifier to suck.
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There is a lot of debate on dressing for your body type. Some style gurus say throw all the rules away and others say it’s the foundation for creating a stylish look. I love getting dressed but for women who don’t, I can see why you would want some guidelines to help when styling yourself, especially if you don’t have a widely talked about body type.
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
There is a lot of debate on dressing for your body type. Some style gurus say throw all the rules away and others say it’s the foundation for creating a stylish look. I love getting dressed but for women who don’t, I can see why you would want some guidelines to help when styling yourself, especially if you don’t have a widely talked about body type.
I think there are some common misconceptions about being plus size. Even though we are all shopping in the same section I feel that curvy hourglass and apple shapes are getting a lot of visibility. As an inverted triangle, I can see why no one talks about it. It doesn’t even sound fun. I mean, hourglass suggests bends and curves which are ideal and hell, at least apples taste good. I like to call my inverted triangle shape a “tulip”. I bloom at the top and have a slender stem at the bottom.
Tulip Shape Features
Broad Shoulders
Full Bust
Narrow Hips
Lean Legs
Slight Waist
Tulip Shopping dilemmas
You often feel like two different sizes – larger on the top and smaller on the bottom
Hard time finding pants that fit your midsection and your narrow hips
Difficulty finding the perfect button down shirt
Balancing your shape so that you look proportional
Being questioned if you are even plus size because of where you carry your weight. (according to these clothing manufacturers the answer is YES)
Looks that I love to ROCK on my Tulip Shape!
Tulip Shape No-Brainers
Full Skirts- creating volume on your bottom half creates balance
Embrace the delicate art of tucking in your shirt and BODYSUITS!!
Tops and Jackets that stop at your hip
Duster length sweaters, vests, and jackets over body-conscious pieces
Wide Leg Pants (Yes, Please)
Anything that shows off your legs (add to cart)
Anything chiffon or flowing add light volume to give you more balance to your frame
There are pros and cons to any body shape but as far my style goes I don’t think there is anything I won’t wear. I am however more conscious of certain styles that highlight how narrow my lower body is because drawing too much attention can make me look top heavy. I don’t ever want to hide my shape but I also don’t want to enter the room with my narrow hips either. I reserve skinny straight leg styles for when I have a great tunic or a blazer to accompany them. I am more likely to rock a full A-line skirt but that doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally find a well-made pencil skirt. It’s all about playing with angels and lines that make you feel the most comfortable.
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Not all dates happen at night. I wanted to bring you three Valentine’s Day looks for three different dates. I threw in some tips on how to enjoy Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, Single Awareness Day, call it what you will. I have some outfit inspiration for everything from brunch with your girlfriends or a hot night on the town.
Brunch with the Girl’s
Yes, we’ll have mimosas for the whole table, thank you! A date with your girls is a great way to kick off Valentine’s Day weekend. As a single girl, I love a date. I welcome a date with my girls with as much excitement as I do a date with a gentlemen caller. I also get excited about “self-dates” which I did last year when I worked a half day on Valentine’s Day, bought my favorite chocolates and saw 50 Shades Darker. Before I left the office everyone asked if I had a date for Valentine’s Day? I said, “yep, with myself!” For an early brunch no need to overdo it. I like the idea of keeping everything laid back and relaxed. Nothing is more chill than roughly tucking in your pajama shirt into your favorite jeans. Throw on a great coat and start the day off with ease.
I think there is a difference between a “getting to know you” date and a “we go together” date. I don’t think you should hide your personal style but I like to keep first dates laid back (A cute t-shirt with the jeans that make my butt look good. You get my main idea here). For a “we go together date” hopefully “WE” have made BIG plans to go somewhere nice and I can really jazz it up a little. My love for jumpsuits would be known in my fantasy “established” relationship and this one is perfect for Valentine’s Day.
Who said that sexy can’t be multifunctional? I would wear this casual evening look to a number of places; the movies, out for drinks, to a club. I think this look has “first date” written all over it. If red fur isn’t your thing you can always wear your favorite moto jacket and layer an oversized coat for warmth. This look is sexy without overdoing it which is exactly the message you would want to send on your first few dates. In this look, you have your bases covered in the elevated t-shirt and jeans look. PS.. It’s a bodysuit!
What are your Valentine’s Day plans? Let me know in the comments!
For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe. You can also follow me on Facebook Oh Wize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!
Every year for the past few years I shoot lingerie for Valentine’s Day (here and here). Lot’s of plus size bloggers do it. I’m not special in that regard. This year as I was styling looks to shoot I felt really bad anxiety. I was standing in line at a discount store about to buy a bra for the shoot and I got overwhelmed.
Every year for the past few years I shoot lingerie for Valentine’s Day (here and here). Lot’s of plus size bloggers do it. I’m not special in that regard. This year as I was styling looks to shoot I felt really bad anxiety. I was standing in line at a discount store about to buy a bra for the shoot and I got overwhelmed. It was a sudden wave of questions like “Will my readers think that I am vain? Do I really need to do this again? I mean hell, it’s not like my body is any smaller or better than it was last year. Also, explaining why I am on the internet in my underwear again it’s not the easiest conversation to have with my family.
I called my best friend to get her perspective and hopefully laugh off my near panic attack at our favorite rag bin. I asked her, “should I quit doing this?” She laughed at me for a few minutes because she’s used to my quarterly breakdowns. After she got out her giggles she said, “No, I actually think we all look forward to it. It gives us all hope.”
Is lack of hope keeping women afraid of themselves and their bodies? It surely was making me sweat at the thought that someone would be perceiving me as overly confident. Let’s keep it real, I’m no Instagram model, but the reality is that lot’s of women have bodies that are very much like mine. As a person who lives in the real world of office potlucks, stress eating, post-pregnancy bodies…do I really need to go on? We can pretty much recognize what society deems a display body and what bodies need to be “flattered”.
The body positive movement is diligently providing a voice for women with real bodies. Ironically when I have conversations in small circles of real women I don’t always feel like it’s fully embraced by the women who are supposed to be inspired by it. When I check out my ultra fly and confident blogger boo’s Instagram posts, the comments sections are filled with horrible body shaming comments from women who look very much like them. Do these women lack the hope? Are our bodies unworthy of love and positivity before we get to the perfect goal weight? Or if they are worthy of optimism should we cloak our “before” bodies in shame before revealing a happy “after” photo with mass appeal? I can’t pretend like I’ve never been in a conversation where something cruel was said about a woman’s less than perfect body.
No one is perfect. We all say things and have opinions and biases. I think a woman who is uncomfortable with herself is quicker to shame a woman who has features that remind her of her own. It’s her way of expressing frustration. How dare you celebrate what I am so ashamed to have. I think there needs to be checks and balances and to bring a common space and bridge the gap between women who are comfortable and those who are still trying to figure out where they are with their confidence journey.
My body is not a weed and cannot be plucked from the garden of life and neither is anyone else’s. We all need enough space to dance to the rhythm of our own individuality. There’s room for tattoos, stretch marks, cellulite, scars, and my size 16 ass. We all want to be free from judgment from ourselves and others. I don’t know what made me anxious and double over in fear next to the $1.99 pantyhose while waiting for the next available cashier but if my body is giving someone hope to one day be comfortable with themselves I must be doing something right.
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