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My Dirty Little Secret | Seriously Single

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What I’m about to admit is the adult female equivalent of sucking your thumb after infancy…

I still love my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want to get back together but he’s my favorite least favorite guy. By that, I mean nothing has replicated the exhilaration of experiencing him in every way. He’s like a tall tale or an urban myth I tell myself whenever I date a new guy who is lackluster or just isn’t what I want in that moment. He’s a legend, in my mind. It’s not a competition but if my ex-boyfriend was whole milk I just never adjusted to 2%. On the bright side, no one has detrimentally hurt my feelings as much either. There are pros and cons to this situation.

Back to my grown woman binky. The shame that I own for loving a guy I know I won’t ever be with is not as pitiful as it sounds, anymore. He was the perfect storm of a man. He was devastatingly handsome, it felt like we were the best of friends. and most of all it felt like he got me. We were like an inside joke that no one else got. We were like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer only in reverse. A tale of one person falling in love and the other person just going through the motions. I was stuck with memories of a failed relationship and he just moved on (and on, and, and on again).

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What is a girl to do with residual feelings after you’ve talked to all of your girlfriends one thousand times about the same guy?

At a certain point, I realized how pathetic I sounded and I decided to move on because he had done so at least four times over. They say the easiest way to get over an old guy is to get under a new one and that is a lie. It’s the biggest lie ever because when the initial thrill wears off  I revert. When the new car smell of my new love interest fades I  lay on my side and secretly suck my pacifier.

How can I expose the most real parts of me, and not be terrified? I take responsibility and acknowledge that I took part in allowing negligent, narcissistic, manipulative behavior rule of my better senses. I sold myself at the low cost of keeping him for just a little longer. I’ve sucked this pacifier for way longer than I should have because knowing that I’ve already loved someone to that extent is easier than expecting another love to eclipse what once was. While other women are writing positive affirmations in order to attract the loves of their lives with optimistic glee,  I hid in a corner with my secret bad habit.

I read a quote the other day (Yes it was on Instagram! Don’t judge me.)

“The best of you is not what you lost in the one who left, but in all the pieces they couldn’t take with them” -Pavana

For all the pieces of me that miss the guy who would kiss me until I fell asleep, talk to me until the sun came up and made me laugh, I realize those are only the good things I chose to remember. It’s  a mind manipulation of sorts.  He was a mirror reflecting back on to me showing me what I wanted to see. What I really fell in love with was the best my love had to offer and from time to time I just get sad that I can’t express myself in that way. (That and my ex-boyfriend was earth shatteringly good in bed but I digress.)

Here’s another quote:

If you sit in shit too long it stops smelling- Jennifer Lewis

Unrequited love is top heavy.  The weight is badly distributed and the relationship eventually just topples over.

It’s also toxic because you convince yourself that the more you prove your love to that person it will change how they feel about you. After a while, you just feel like vermin doomed to be exterminated. The worst part is love doesn’t just disappear. I wish it did because I carried my dirty secret for way longer than I would like to admit. After my tower of love for my ex fell I didn’t really clean up the mess, I just gathered all the pieces and just shoved them into a closet and closed the door and prayed that no one would ever notice. 

After infancy, your mom weans you from your pacifier and you have to learn to self-soothe. I’ve done my work, I’ve read books, I’ve abstained, I’ve given it up, at this point I’ve done it all. In this instance, I have to be the child and the mother and just let go of this horrible disgusting habit. This time it’s not because everyone is watching or because I found out he has another girlfriend but because I’m tired of him holding space he doesn’t actually deserve nor desires to be in. He’s not even that dude. If I was the only one in love he’s more fantasy than reality and I can fantasize about Michael B. Jordan like everyone else.

I think you keep a little bit of the love you have for people you loved that much. It’s unrealistic to think you won’t love someone after things don’t work out. Honestly loving him helped me get over him because I found that I can love him from anywhere. I can love him from my house.  I can love him and never call, never visit, never make direct eye contact. Love him and keep all of my “never ever agains” intact. I just hope that one day I meet a guy who is so dope I forget that I ever had a metaphorical mental pacifier to suck.

For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe.  You can also follow me on Facebook Oh Wize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!

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Dressing for Your Body Type: Are You a Tulip Shape?

How to dress for your body shape
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There is a lot of debate on dressing for your body type. Some style gurus say throw all the rules away and others say it’s the foundation for creating a stylish look. I love getting dressed but for women who don’t, I can see why you would want some guidelines to help when styling yourself, especially if you don’t have a widely talked about body type.

 

I think there are some common misconceptions about being plus size.  Even though we are all shopping in the same section I feel that curvy hourglass and apple shapes are getting a lot of visibility. As an inverted triangle, I can see why no one talks about it. It doesn’t even sound fun.  I mean, hourglass suggests bends and curves which are ideal and hell, at least apples taste good.  I like to call my inverted triangle shape a “tulip”. I bloom at the top and have a slender stem at the bottom.

Styling Tips for Inverted Triangle Shapes

Tulip Shape Features

  • Broad Shoulders
  • Full Bust
  • Narrow Hips
  • Lean Legs
  • Slight Waist

Tulip Shopping dilemmas

  • You often feel like two different sizes – larger on the top and smaller on the bottom
  • Hard time finding pants that fit your midsection and your narrow hips
  • Difficulty finding the perfect button down shirt
  • Balancing your shape so that you look proportional
  • Being questioned if you are even plus size because of where you carry your weight. (according to these clothing manufacturers the answer is YES)

 

Looks that I love to ROCK on my Tulip Shape!

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Who, What, Wear Track Pants

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Forever 21+ Oversized Denim Jacket

Cincinnati Plus Size Blogger

Tulip Shape No-Brainers

  • Full Skirts- creating volume on your bottom half creates balance
  • Embrace the delicate art of tucking in your shirt and BODYSUITS!!
  • Tops and Jackets that stop at your hip
  • Duster length sweaters, vests, and jackets over body-conscious pieces
  • Wide Leg Pants (Yes, Please)
  • Anything that shows off your legs (add to cart)
  • Anything chiffon or flowing add light volume to give you more balance to your frame

There are pros and cons to any body shape but as far my style goes I don’t think there is anything I won’t wear. I am however more conscious of certain styles that highlight how narrow my lower body is because drawing too much attention can make me look top heavy.  I don’t ever want to hide my shape but I also don’t want to enter the room with my narrow hips either. I reserve skinny straight leg styles for when I have a great tunic or a blazer to accompany them. I am more likely to rock a full A-line skirt but that doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally find a well-made pencil skirt. It’s all about playing with angels and lines that make you feel the most comfortable.

For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe.  You can also follow me on Facebook Oh Wize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!

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Valentine Vibes | 3 Outfits for 3 Dates

Valentine's Day Date Night Looks

Not all dates happen at night. I wanted to bring you three Valentine’s Day looks for three different dates. I threw in some tips on how to enjoy Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, Single Awareness Day, call it what you will. I have some outfit inspiration for everything from brunch with your girlfriends or a hot night on the town.

Brunch with the Girl’s

Yes, we’ll have mimosas for the whole table, thank you! A date with your girls is a great way to kick off Valentine’s Day weekend. As a single girl, I love a date. I welcome a date with my girls with as much excitement as I do a date with a gentlemen caller. I also get excited about “self-dates” which I did last year when I worked a half day on Valentine’s Day, bought my favorite chocolates and saw 50 Shades Darker.  Before I left the office everyone asked if I had a date for Valentine’s Day? I said, “yep, with myself!”  For an early brunch no need to overdo it.  I like the idea of keeping everything laid back and relaxed.  Nothing is more chill than roughly tucking in your pajama shirt into your favorite jeans. Throw on a great coat and start the day off with ease.

Plus Size Brunch Date Outfit

Plus Size Pajama Top Outfit

 

Elvi Patent Leather Jacket

 

Jacket: ASOS, Pajama Top: SimplyBe (similar), Jeans: NY& Co.

The “We Go Together” Date

I think there is a difference between a “getting to know you” date and a “we go together” date. I don’t think you should hide your personal style but I like to keep first dates laid back (A cute t-shirt with the jeans that make my butt look good. You get my main idea here).   For a “we go together date” hopefully “WE” have made BIG plans to go somewhere nice and I can really jazz it up a little. My love for jumpsuits would be known in my fantasy “established” relationship and this one is perfect for Valentine’s Day.

Simply Be Floral Jumpsuit

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Simplybe Floral Cropped Jumpsuit

Plus Size Date Night Outfit

Fur Jacket: Target, Jumpsuit: SimplyBe, Clutch: Old (similar), Shoes: Old (similar)

Sexy and Sassy Night Out

Who said that sexy can’t be multifunctional? I would wear this casual evening look to a number of places; the movies, out for drinks, to a club. I think this look has “first date” written all over it. If red fur isn’t your thing you can always wear your favorite moto jacket and layer an oversized coat for warmth. This look is sexy without overdoing it which is exactly the message you would want to send on your first few dates. In this look, you have your bases covered in the elevated t-shirt and jeans look. PS.. It’s a bodysuit!

Target Who, What, Wear Cropped Fur Jacket

Target Who, What, Wear Cropped Fur Jacket

Plus Size Date Night Outfit

Fur Jacket: Target, Bodysuit: Fashion to Figure (similar), Jeans: Forever 21, Boots: JustFab

What are your Valentine’s Day plans? Let me know in the comments! 

For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe.  You can also follow me on Facebook Oh Wize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!