Oh Wize One

I have been under the misconception that I am the perfect girlfriend. As a matter fact, my girlfriend psychosis is deep.  It’s a cornucopia of stereotypical Stepford wife methods, rap lyrics, and rhetoric that I thought made me “perfect”. There were times I felt like a cocktail made of one ounce Tupac’s Me and My Girlfriend, three teaspoons Nia Long (pick any movie), and three part’s TLC Crazy, Sexy, Cool. The end result was a skewed understanding of self.  It also left me wondering why none of my boyfriends really knew me. I realized that me and my next level girlfriend attitude was coming in between me and any man I entertained on a romantic level.

Let me start this blog post off as honest as I possibly can.  I already have an ego, a big one. As a creative weirdo, I think I have to be the first one to pump myself up to produce and share art.  My girlfriend ego is another animal, let’s call her Gia. Gia can cook, she’s good in bed, she’s not going to stress her man out, she’s everything a man ever wanted. Gia handles her business. She’s a real ride or die chick. Gia sounds pretty awesome but she’s pretty cocky about the way she gets down.  She’s also keeping her eye out for any imperfections in her partner and not considering any of her own flaws. Why would Gia take into consideration any of her own idiosyncrasies? She’s perfect.

In reality, Gia is exhausting.  I can’t keep up with her.  Everything about her is me but just not at the same pace. I can’t be a hood rich Stepford wife 24/7.  Depending on what relationship I was in at the time I honestly don’t know who some of my ex-boyfriends liked more me or Gia. I would get caught in the act of being my authentic self when I couldn’t live up to the standard my girlfriend ego set. Anytime there was an issue with miscommunication, Gia would flare up because perfection should not have to be explained. The problem with perfection is it doesn’t want to talk or even consider what anything outside of perfection needs. I mean, you should be humbled that you even experience this level of perfection.

To make a long story short, Gia needed to chill. It’s ironic how the time I have invested into enjoying being single has shed light on my ineffective communication style. I spend a considerable amount of time with my friends. I see how I leave out details that may have been helpful for them offering me assistance or me helping them. I have also noticed how incredibly dismissive I am and not from a place of malice but I just move so quickly that I can miss an emotional reaction of someone else. If I  have these same behaviors with my friends I am certain that I display them even worse with my partner who I expect to know me better than anyone else.

Who wants to be with a partner who could potentially dismiss their feelings and misunderstand important information? The truth is I may always have these traits in some form but if I can’t admit to my shortcomings under the false pretense that I’m perfect that has to be annoying. I thought to be all of the things that a woman is supposed to be would afford me the relationship that I “deserved”.

I came to the realization that it’s time for Gia, my girlfriend ego, to die. This glorified fembot mentality had to stop.  I am not perfect.  I don’t want any woman coming between me and potential happiness, not even myself.  Letting Gia die will afford the next man to the opportunity to encounter the real me on a much more vulnerable level.  My shortcoming will not be the elephant in the room but a point of communication. It will also afford me the opportunity to be more understanding and tender in a situation that would require me to offer understanding and not perfection.

This brings up the real question why would I feel like I have to be the perfect woman to be deserving of a boyfriend. I see this perfection equation all the time.  Perfection equals relationship. I found myself in a place where I felt like I had checked off all of the proverbial boxes but was still not in my ideal relationship. On top of checking off all of the boxes, I wasn’t even happy or comfortable for that matter. Perfection does not equal love it is not the equivalent of being the most deserving woman. Maybe if more woman knew that to be true we could all let our girlfriend egos die.

Are you the perfect girlfriend? Are you ready to let your Girlfriend Ego die?

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