Death is imminent and someone could act recklessly in the event they felt death was right around the corner. In the event that I get a heads up of my last day on Earth, I hope I am in close proximity to money and a good looking man. My theories about love and relationships are 75% real life experience and 25% movie quotes. (Don’t judge me. Life imitates art all the time.)
My all time favorite movie is Moonstruck. Cher plays the main character, Loretta Castorini. She is newly engaged to her fiance, Johnny Cammareri, who enlists her with the task of convincing his estranged brother to attend their wedding that is a month away. Long story short, Johnny leaves for Italy to visit his dying mother, and Loretta falls in love with his brother. My theory today is more about the subplot of Moonstruck which is the condition of Loretta’s parent’s marriage. Loretta lives with her family, and her Mother suspects that her husband is having an affair. When Johnny returns home early from Italy he goes searching for Loretta at her family’s house, and ends up having a conversation with her mom. Mrs. Castorini sits Johnny down and asks a question as if it were investigative research for all women, “Why do men chase women?”. Johnny replies, “When God created woman he took a rib from Adam and maybe men are searching for their missing rib.” Mrs. Castorini is frustrated by his answer, and sternly asks, “Why would a man need more than one woman?” Johnny uncertain if he’s correct says, “Maybe it’s because he fears death.” Mrs. Castorini exclaims, “That’s it!”
I don’t know how long I have linked male infidelity and death together without question like Moonstruck was some university backed case study. I mean, death does make everything more urgent, that whole “like we’ll never see each other again” bit is pretty intense and dramatic. I can see how a girl would want to capture that type of passion for a lifetime. I can also see how a man could perform under this pretense for a short period of time before realizing his death isn’t as close as he thought.
Just a few days ago I spoke with a new friend and he mentioned that he was married and that it was the worst mistake of his life. When I asked him why, he said that he never believed in contractual marriage but when he enlisted in the army he got married because he thought he might die. His reason was solid. Being married would ensure any benefits would go to his family. Still, all I could hear was, “I got married because I thought I would die.”
What’s up with that? Do men really make commitments to women when they fear death is looming near? Is marriage some symbolic death? They say marriage is the death of selfishness. Maybe the reality is that if a man hasn’t felt that intuitive moment where he has decided that he is willing to die for one woman every other comment feels like he’s suffocating.
I was flipping channels about a week ago and Baby Boy was on and I stopped to watch a few minutes. That movie is like a train wreck. I had totally forgotten about the dream sequence in the beginning where Jody sees his own funeral. Jody was totally reckless and unfaithful to Yvette for the majority of the movie and all I could think was, maybe it’s because he fears death.
I don’t know too many people who make sound decisions from a place of fear. I have male friends who have claimed they won’t get married until they’re old, which in my book is death adjacent. I think the reality is you need to find out where a man is at on his life’s journey. Having enough enlightenment to understand where a person is at on their journey takes a lot of strength. You would have to remove the emotional attachment and see your potential suitor from a neutral perspective. You may even need to analyze where you are at on your own journey to ensure that you’re both not operating in fear as a whole. Now that’s deep.
I don’t know if my argument holds any weight my death theory isn’t scientifically tested. It’s just one of my fun “isms” that I like to use as a coping mechanism. I plan on holding on to it until I hear a more compelling argument. The jury is still out on men associating women with death.
Do you have any strange theories? I would love to know if I am the only one with this crazy outlook on male and female interactions.
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