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If You Don’t Know By Now | Seriously Single

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I just don’t know how many more times I  can scroll past a man posing the question, Who pays for the first date? I want to scream every time I see it. It’s so redundant.  How old are we? That is why I have decided to remove myself from the conversation. I refuse to involve myself in the dating ping pong that is discussing dating etiquette with single men on social media. It feels like a ploy of some greater scheme to invite me to a day party. I have already decided my standpoint on common dating dilemmas. It is said, that there are no stupid questions and most times I would be inclined to agree, but there are exceptions to every rule.

We Talking About Practice?

At a certain point, your values aren’t talking points anymore.  They just are what they are. Sometimes relationship questions feel like a setup. If you see me on any social media platform weighing in any of the questions please call me out on it because this is that last time I will be sharing my opinion on these four questions.

Q. Who pays for the first date?

A. Whoever!

This is dictated on a case by case basis. I think it would be uncouth to invite someone out and then expect the other person to pay for it. For the record, I think that would be rude under any circumstances. Have I invited someone that I was interested in out and paid? Well, of course.  I was interested. I asked. I picked the place and I paid. Big deal. What I don’t like is men who are keeping this secret tally of how many times they have paid for a date and expect you to pay after so many dates.  It’s like they have a secret number they never tell you about. Word to the wise, for some guys it’s 3 dates. So if you’ve ever dated a guy and everything was going well and he didn’t call after the third date now you know why.

In my experience when a man is truly interested in spending time with you, he’s not keeping score. I could be wrong. I am single, but I don’t think that I am.  When I ask my male friends, “how did you know she was the one”, the answer is never, ” I knew she was the one after our third date because she paid.”

Q. Who’s plate do you make first, the kids, or your man?

A. (answered in the form of a question) Can you even make a sandwich?

As a single mother, this question pisses me off. The question only makes me want to pose more questions. Do I know you? How long have we been dating? Why did I introduce you to my child? Why am I cooking for you in my kitchen? Why we at my house? Do you know how expensive food is?  Second of all can, you cook? Final answer, whoever is in closest proximity to this hypothetical plate.

I grew up in a house where both my parents could cook and sometimes we all made our own plates. The concept of a man not being able to provide himself with basic nourishment is undesirable, to say the least.   I truly hate this question because it feels like some misogynistic egotistical mind trick to treat men as some kind of demigod. Dear Hercules, learn to cook and then we’ll talk about who’s getting their plate first.

Q. Why Are You Still Single?

A. Because I’m going through a selfish phase

I highly recommend all women go through a selfish phase. It’s the best way to find out what it is you actually need and want in a relationship. Being selfless to the overall goal of staying in a relationship always landed me in a place I didn’t want to be, unhappy. Most of all I was unhappy with myself for compromising when I really wanted to break up. I look at pictures of me and old boyfriends and think “just break up already!”

I’m single because I am not afraid of myself. I enjoy spending time with myself and getting to know me on a deeper level. It’s just easier to concentrate and listen to myself when I’m not committing myself to a relationship that doesn’t serve me. Besides I plan on dating the hell out of everyone before I relinquish my singlehood to be exclusive. I am going to build great friendships with the opposite sex and just not take the whole thing so seriously. I think the next time I get asked why I’m still single I am going to ask, “Why are you still in a relationship?”  and see how it makes the other person feel.

Q. Do you live alone?

A. No, I don’t.

I remember the first time I asked an adult, what and why is feminism important? Ironically I asked my Uncle Quenton who answered the question with the perfect clarity of my eight-year-old mind he said, “As a man.  I can admit that there are certain places I wouldn’t go at three o’clock in the morning if I had a vagina.”  He said the fact that he knew that facet of life was true didn’t make it fair. That was the end of our feminism lesson.  With all that said, if I did live alone, why would I tell a stranger?

I don’t live alone I live with my family and that is what works for me at this point in my life. I don’t feel bad about my unique living situation. I don’t plan on shaming any potential suitor for his either. I’m relatively fair. On the real, I often love saying that I don’t live alone because it’s usually code for can I come home with you and the answer to that is “No”. Who thought there would be stranger danger this late in the game?

 

What question can you not be asked again? Let me know in the comments below. This post is a part of my Seriously Single series. If you missed my last post, I Don’t Like Good Morning Texts, be sure to check it out!

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