A Seat At The Desirable Table

 

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This Seat is Taken

Have a seat. I saved a seat at the desirable woman table just for you. I believe there is a common misconception in the mindset of women that you have to earn desirability. That you have to be a certain size, have the right shape and anything deemed normal or average is not worthy of being celebrated. I feel like I am in good company when I say that I am an everyday woman. I don’t think anything separates me from any other woman because we are more alike than we are different. The more I write about body positivity and body acceptance I am learning that you can accept your body without celebrating it.

When my good friend Amanda, owner of Dayton Boudoir, said that she was interested in shooting some boudoir looks with a curvier client I jumped at the opportunity. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to show and prove that desirability is a state of mind and not a state of being  Taking time out of your busy schedule to get back in touch with what makes you feel attractive can be deemed frivolous but many of us feel a sense of loss when we can’t care for ourselves.

Self Care

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The best part about working with Dayton Boudoir is that Amanda is not just there to take a picture. She is concerned with your entire experience and it creates a pampering spa-like feeling with professional makeup and hair styling included with your session.Before our session, Amanda asked me about what looks I wanted to create and we collaborated on a Pinterest board to share ideas on looks for my shoot. She even sent me a survey to get a feel of what I would feel comfortable with on the day of the session. Anyone can take a picture but Amanda consults with you to ensure she captures women of various shapes and sizes at their best.

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Grading On A Curve | How To Select The Best Lingerie

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The first thing you want to do is consider what are your favorite features of your body. This is not a time to be vigilant, worried and mean to yourself. Get in a positive thinking space and think about what features you love to showcase when you go out. Once you know what you want to highlight you can then begin to consider pieces.(find my red bra and panty set here)

If you like your legs

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If you’ve got legs for days the best way to play them up is with great shoes. A great pair of heels makes your legs look even longer and if the shoe has playful elements like lace up straps or intricate details around your ankle it will draw even more attention to your legs. Be sure to pick shorter pieces.  You can wear a great bra and panty set under a men’s button down shirt that is long enough to cover your bottom and hits you mid thigh in the front. You can also belt the shirt to create a waist. Just be sure the shirt is free of wrinkles and is a little over-sized.

If you like your decolletage (cleavage)

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Take the time to get fitted to make sure you’re purchasing the right size bra. A great fitting bra is a foundation to showcasing your beautiful decolletage. I found bras with super sexy details at Torrid. Another trick is if you find a super sexy bralette that doesn’t have an underwire wear your strapless bra underneath for additional support.  If you’ve found a sexy teddy and you feel comfortable with going braless purchase some pasties the same color as your lingerie or flesh tone pasties if you can find them. I found great pasties on Amazon.

If you like your backsideblogpost-0009.jpg

So this isn’t my favorite feature on my body but if you have sexy hips showcase them with figure-hugging corsets. Be sure to update your underwear drawer with panties with strappy details.Bring some longer length necklaces and wear them backward and let the necklace dangle down your back to draw the eye down.

If you’re concerned about your midsection (aka your tummy)

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Amanda with Dayton Boudoir is a pro with posing for photos to get your best angle. If you’re concerned about styling options and your tummy no worries.  Robes and jackets are your friend. Don’t be afraid to think out of the box.  A light longline duster or your favorite leather jacket can work styling wonders. In the picture above it looks like I’m wearing a robe but it’s actually a kimono I found at H&M (see Forever 21+ Kimono here).

Don’t categorize yourself as unworthy or undesirable because you’re not your goal weight or you think you don’t meet social body standards. Desire is a “wanting” or mystery. The mystery is not about traveling to new places or being something that you are not, but looking with new eyes. Amanda with Dayton Boudoir has the artistic eye that will capture you at your most desirable.  If you got engaged over the holidays a boudoir session would be a wonderful groom’s gift on the night of your wedding. I think this form of art is for all women and not just for the romantically attached. When I showed my mom my pictures she said that she wished she had done this in her thirties. When I’m 80 I will be able to look back at myself and say with certainty that, “I had it going on!”

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Be sure to book your session now with Dayton Boudoir (937) 938-8923 or on Facebook

$325 Valentine’s Day Special

* 1 hour photoshoot with professional hair & makeup

* 2 outfits & just sheets look

* LIttle Black Book with up to 15 images

* digital version of album images with reproduction release

* Custom Valentine for your someone special * payment plans & gift certificates available

 

I know glamorous self-care can seem frivolous or even like something you don’t have time to invest in. In a society that is constantly making women feel like they don’t measure up and that they have to supersede an unrealistic beauty standard, boudoir cuts through the noise. You’ll see yourself in your best light and desirable. This will create a ripple effect into knowing your beauty has a place in this world.

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Sparkle on New Year’s Eve with Finery Boutique

Who doesn’t want to sparkle for a big event? A dressy occasion often times sneaks up on you and you’re left scrambling for a dress. Even after you find the perfect dress it then sits in your closet waiting for a new special occasion to come out and play. Finery Boutique in OTR is answering your dress up prayers by offering evening dress rental service.

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Along with all of the ladies from Thread Cincinnati, I got a sneak peak of all of the beautiful dresses that are available to rent. If you fall in love with a dress, don’t worry you can purchase the dress. Afraid of commitment? Bring the dress back and rent a new dress for your next occasion.

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Not only did Finery Boutique have a beautiful and fashion forward selection of dresses, they also have a selection of accessories to choose from to make it easy for you get all dolled up. I personally loved this winter white a-line dress with laser cut details. The fit and the fabric of the dress was amazing!

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I plan on frequenting Finery.  I saw a great beaded dress that says,  perfect for New Year’s Eve. I know we will all appreciate this great addition to the OTR boutique seen in the Spring/Summer months during wedding season.

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Want to Know More About Finery? Follow them on  Facebook and Instagram

For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe by clicking the follow button.  You can also follow me on Facebook OhWize One, Instagram @ohwizeone, twitter @ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!

Over the Knee and Through the Woods

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESI’m not big on mini skirts but I saw one of my favorite Youtube vloggers style a miniskirt and over the knee boots and she sold me on the idea of purchasing one. Her look was so simple but still ultra chic. I am very short waisted, which basically means I have a really short torso and my lower body sits higher on my body. All of this is a really long explanation, in other words, I have a high booty. I often struggle with shorter skirts because they are shorter in the back and longer in the front.

I figured that since I would be pairing the short skirt with over the knee boots that I wouldn’t look excessively leggy. I was right the boots draw the eye up to the skirt and take some of the attention from your legs. Well not all the attention but mostly people will be looking at your boots and not your bottom.  Overall I love the way this look came together I think it’s an easy look that you can wear to casual Christmas parties this season.

My Inspiration

I pull style inspiration from so many different places but I love YouTube because I like seeing style on real women. I think my look is proof that your inspiration doesn’t always have to be the same size as you. I took elements from her look and made them work for my body type.

I’m linking a few miniskirts that I think will work well on my fellow curvy and short waisted sisters we have to stick together. Be sure to check: Torrid (ps this one is on sale), Simplybe, (this one is under $35), Rue 21 (yes they have plus!)

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Skirt:Fashion to Figure, Tutrleneck Sweater: Target, Wrap: Costco, OTK Boots: Just Fab(Sold Out, Similar), 

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If You Don’t Know By Now | Seriously Single

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I just don’t know how many more times I  can scroll past a man posing the question, Who pays for the first date? I want to scream every time I see it. It’s so redundant.  How old are we? That is why I have decided to remove myself from the conversation. I refuse to involve myself in the dating ping pong that is discussing dating etiquette with single men on social media. It feels like a ploy of some greater scheme to invite me to a day party. I have already decided my standpoint on common dating dilemmas. It is said, that there are no stupid questions and most times I would be inclined to agree, but there are exceptions to every rule.

We Talking About Practice?

At a certain point, your values aren’t talking points anymore.  They just are what they are. Sometimes relationship questions feel like a setup. If you see me on any social media platform weighing in any of the questions please call me out on it because this is that last time I will be sharing my opinion on these four questions.

Q. Who pays for the first date?

A. Whoever!

This is dictated on a case by case basis. I think it would be uncouth to invite someone out and then expect the other person to pay for it. For the record, I think that would be rude under any circumstances. Have I invited someone that I was interested in out and paid? Well, of course.  I was interested. I asked. I picked the place and I paid. Big deal. What I don’t like is men who are keeping this secret tally of how many times they have paid for a date and expect you to pay after so many dates.  It’s like they have a secret number they never tell you about. Word to the wise, for some guys it’s 3 dates. So if you’ve ever dated a guy and everything was going well and he didn’t call after the third date now you know why.

In my experience when a man is truly interested in spending time with you, he’s not keeping score. I could be wrong. I am single, but I don’t think that I am.  When I ask my male friends, “how did you know she was the one”, the answer is never, ” I knew she was the one after our third date because she paid.”

Q. Who’s plate do you make first, the kids, or your man?

A. (answered in the form of a question) Can you even make a sandwich?

As a single mother, this question pisses me off. The question only makes me want to pose more questions. Do I know you? How long have we been dating? Why did I introduce you to my child? Why am I cooking for you in my kitchen? Why we at my house? Do you know how expensive food is?  Second of all can, you cook? Final answer, whoever is in closest proximity to this hypothetical plate.

I grew up in a house where both my parents could cook and sometimes we all made our own plates. The concept of a man not being able to provide himself with basic nourishment is undesirable, to say the least.   I truly hate this question because it feels like some misogynistic egotistical mind trick to treat men as some kind of demigod. Dear Hercules, learn to cook and then we’ll talk about who’s getting their plate first.

Q. Why Are You Still Single?

A. Because I’m going through a selfish phase

I highly recommend all women go through a selfish phase. It’s the best way to find out what it is you actually need and want in a relationship. Being selfless to the overall goal of staying in a relationship always landed me in a place I didn’t want to be, unhappy. Most of all I was unhappy with myself for compromising when I really wanted to break up. I look at pictures of me and old boyfriends and think “just break up already!”

I’m single because I am not afraid of myself. I enjoy spending time with myself and getting to know me on a deeper level. It’s just easier to concentrate and listen to myself when I’m not committing myself to a relationship that doesn’t serve me. Besides I plan on dating the hell out of everyone before I relinquish my singlehood to be exclusive. I am going to build great friendships with the opposite sex and just not take the whole thing so seriously. I think the next time I get asked why I’m still single I am going to ask, “Why are you still in a relationship?”  and see how it makes the other person feel.

Q. Do you live alone?

A. No, I don’t.

I remember the first time I asked an adult, what and why is feminism important? Ironically I asked my Uncle Quenton who answered the question with the perfect clarity of my eight-year-old mind he said, “As a man.  I can admit that there are certain places I wouldn’t go at three o’clock in the morning if I had a vagina.”  He said the fact that he knew that facet of life was true didn’t make it fair. That was the end of our feminism lesson.  With all that said, if I did live alone, why would I tell a stranger?

I don’t live alone I live with my family and that is what works for me at this point in my life. I don’t feel bad about my unique living situation. I don’t plan on shaming any potential suitor for his either. I’m relatively fair. On the real, I often love saying that I don’t live alone because it’s usually code for can I come home with you and the answer to that is “No”. Who thought there would be stranger danger this late in the game?

 

What question can you not be asked again? Let me know in the comments below. This post is a part of my Seriously Single series. If you missed my last post, I Don’t Like Good Morning Texts, be sure to check it out!

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Glamorous Gangsta… A Christmas Story

 

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Let me start off by saying that in no way do I support being a career criminal. What I do support is gangster’s girlfriends’ wardrobes in movies! Whether it was Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface, Sharon Stone in Casino, and hello Taraji P. Henson as Cooke Lyon on Empire. Especially Cookie her wardrobe is the perfect example of glamorous street wear. Which is normally my cold weather go to for casual parties and friendly get-togethers (Secret Santa gift exchange with your girls). The juxtaposition of a glamorous detail paired with street clothes such as denim or boots. This is a great way to play with mixing elements while still staying warm.

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Go big in one area

Pick a high end glamorous detail and work around it. Fur, sequins, satin are all good options for playing around with. I love the idea of having on a great boyfriend tee, your favorite jeans, a trench coat, and a shoe you would normally reserve for evening. When I stlyed my look I knew I wanted my fur to be the glamorous element so I made sure to pair it with a neutral boot, skinny jeans, and I made sure my top (which is actually a bodysuit) had complementary colors to the sweater. I am rocking major VBO (visible belly outline) but I’m good with it I’ve accepted the fact that I like the tucked in look from time to time!

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Sweater:Fashion to Figure: Sold Out (Similar) (Straight Size Option), Bodysuit: Fashion to Figure, Sold Out (Similar) (Straight Size Option), Jeans: Forever 21, Old (Similar), Boots: Nordstrom Rack, Old (Similar) (Wide Calf Option)

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For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe by clicking the follow button.  You can also follow me on Facebook OhWize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter@ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!