Oh Wize One

I feel like the title of my post is going to eliminate all chances of a guy texting me ever again. I’m ok with that.  It just means they didn’t read the entire blog post and I’m only interested in guys who like to scratch beyond the surface anyway. I don’t like good morning texts.  Let me be more clear, I really hate texts that only say GM. It makes me feel like I am on some guys distribution list of women that he sends salutations to in order maintain a certain level of communication, especially if we haven’t established a connection at all.

A good morning text from a guy that you have been dying to talk to is welcomed. I mean you have been anxiously awaiting communication from him, hell you’ve even had enough time to develop a crush. Under those circumstances, you may have even had a few brief encounters where you exchanged a word or two. A good morning text that derives from this situation is not what I am talking about.

Gather ‘Round I Gotta Story to Tell

By mere happenstance,  I followed some advice my best friend gave me. Which was to go where men go because the places that I like to frequent aren’t places where single men will be. My daughter’s best friend was having a birthday party at TGI Friday’s. All of the teenager’s at the party sat together and I figured it wouldn’t be cool for a mom to hang around so I decided to have a drink to soothe the uber hyper teenager I was about to have in an hours time.

I put in my order at the bar, ate, and drank by myself watching Zorn, being surprisingly entertained when I realized there were a lot of men at this bar eating alone. Most of them were watching a sporting event but alone none the less. I’m no stranger to eating alone but I’m not big on TGI Friday’s so this isn’t something that I would normally do. Just as soon as I realized that there may be hidden opportunities in mediocre dining experiences, I made eye contact with a man from across the bar and he smiled at me and I smiled back ( I mean it’s what you do when you realize you’ve made eye contact with a stranger). I immediately returned my attention to my drink then noticed he was headed straight for me.

I decided to be nice. I mean, I am writing a series about being single so I figured this would be good journalistic research. He approached me and said “I see you here all the time. ” I said, “No you don’t. I don’t come here often.” He laughs a little and then asks for my phone number. I obliged him and then he proceeded to ask me if I am single, well actually he didn’t ask am I single, he asked, “Ain’t nobody gonna be jumping out of the bushes on me, will they?” I let him know that I’m single. He said that he had just gotten off work and was having a drink and that he was interested. I laughed because, well his inflection was funny and a little forward, but I was willing to let it slide.  He said that he would text me and I said I honestly don’t text a lot but I’ll try to respond since I know you’ll be sending me a message.  We said a few more things and that was that.

The next morning I get a text from him, “Hey, did you at least lock me in?” I replied back to him and let him know that I had and that it was nice to hear from him and asked how he was. His reply, “I’m doing good BEAUTIFUL. How are you?” I said “I’m well.” His next text said “I are so BEAUTIFUL”. Although slightly redundant I thought it was a funny typo, I replied back, “Well it’s good you have high self esteem that’s a major key.” He didn’t text back for a while. I thought maybe my joke wasn’t well received. Eventually, he hit me back and let me know it was a typo.

The week went on and every morning a good morning text and every evening a good night text. Yet anytime I tried to stretch a conversation with him beyond salutations and compliments it fell on deaf ears and he returned back to his distribution list responses. I mean it was like trying to have a conversation with Tickle Me Elmo. This guy just could not get beyond his script and the funniest part was, he thought this was effective communication.

Hey, I’m no angel. I was picking up on what his was putting down. He was being robotic with the hopes of creating a generic enough level of communication to become at most a booty call. Every guy doesn’t have to be the one.  I was willing to entertain this guy or at the very least give him enough rope to hang himself so I played along. At this point, we’ve been texting for about two weeks. I’m not good at generic.  He would have been better off just asking for what he wanted. I might have said yes if I was feeling curious and generous. We graduate to phone calls  and he starts asking when will he see me again and I let him know that I was pretty swamped with work but I would be free in about a week. Finally after a week of trying to find the time to hang out I give this brother a day and a time. He gleefully agreed and seemed excited… as excited as you can be over Facebook Messenger.

The day comes and I confirmed, “Hey we are still on?” He replies, “yes we are still on”. With no more excited emojis, capital letters or exclamation points. I pretty much knew he was going to be a first hired, first fired situation and he would be terminated for a no call/no show. Just as I suspected I called maybe about an hour before to see where he wanted to meet and no answer. It was cool. It wasn’t like I was dressed or even prepared to leave my house in any way. I actually experienced a little relief.  I can’t image how bad his robotic game would have gotten over drinks.

Moral of the Story….I Still Don’t Like GM Texts

This guy didn’t know me. A hello at the bar isn’t enough for presumptuous greetings and persistent requests for meetings. If he couldn’t spark a witty conversation via text, Facebook Messenger or on the phone, this was headed nowhere anyway. This guy’s plot and character backstory were more predictable than Sanna Lathan in The Perfect Guy. It wasn’t the actual well wish of me to have a good morning it was the transparency of his end game. Oh, he did follow up with me the next day to tell me his mother was in the hospital. I just laughed and unfriended him on Facebook.  Maybe his mother was hospitalized I’m not sticking around to find out one way or the other.This guy probably has a girlfriend.

This is my second post for my series Seriously Single series. If you missed my first post in this series, be sure to check out Netflix is My Boyfriend. Expect to hear more about my adventures of being smart, busy and single. How’s your love life? Are you dating? Let me know in the comments below because I could use some dating inspiration.

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