Is Keeping Your Cookie in the Jar Unrealistic?

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I am on strike, and it’s nothing new. When I am single, I usually do not partake in casual sex. Honestly, it’s a bunch of effort creating a false sense of intimacy with a guy so that we can have real sex.  Creating false trust with a man is like watching sand fall through an hourglass; it’s just a matter of time before something shady goes down.

I read, Glamazon Tyomi’s article on ebony.com Sex Before Commitment or Nah? She took a poll to determine if abstinence is the path to marriage or if we are fooling ourselves. The vast majority 62.5% felt it didn’t affect their chances of a long term relationship.

I know couples who had sex on the first few dates who eventually got married. That being said, I don’t have many married friends. I think the way society is set up it doesn’t matter if you wait or sleep with someone new every night you can end up being the same amount of single.

There is no magical set of actions that will make you un-single, but what if abstinence became a filter? A way to weed out the worthy and the unworthy and the process of locating the worthy became more diligent. This concept would only be valid to ladies who desire commitment. (because I am not anti-sex in any way)

What if, the thing that is keeping you from being in a committed relationship is trying to make relationships out of great sex? People can say what they want but for women, sex can often create emotional attachments. You can say with your mouth that this isn’t serious but after you’ve been intimate with someone the lines get blurred. In all honesty, the only time sex is truly crystal clear is when it’s bad.

These are my four reasons to “Keep Your Cookie in the Jar”

Hi, have we dated?

Dating is an endangered species. I know at least three couples in real life who never went on a date until they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Stop falling for the “Netflix and chill” it gives the man too much opportunity to get you comfortable.

Make him date you by making a suggestion for a short activity in public. You can take a walk, get an ice cream, or grab a coffee. If he isn’t down for any of your suggestions you can forget to text him back. You have your own Netflix subscription, and you can chill alone. Your cookie shouldn’t even leave it’s air tight container if you have no level of friendship and a man who won’t date you is a stranger.

5 Dates Ain’t Enough

If you are lucky enough to meet someone who will date you and take you on more than one date, rejoice. After you have done your private happy dance, don’t ease up just yet. The choice not to have sex is not malicious you want to make sure that the presenter and the man are one.

Most men know the deal and know just how long they need to be on their best behavior. Don’t be a shrinking violet. Men are not afraid to let women down when it comes to their expectations. I am not suggesting that Mr. Wonderful isn’t all that he says he is but wouldn’t it be nice to be sure.

Stop Getting into Sexuationships

If you are over the age of 25, you are too old to be friends with benefits. If you think having sex with someone and quietly keeping your feelings to yourself is healthy, grow up. Why are you giving a Section 8 Voucher to your Park Avenue penthouse?

If it’s sex, then let it be sex but don’t be friends. I understand women have needs, but potential friends with benefits just take up space. FWB is a form of settling, and you settle with bill collectors, not in relationships. Why waste time when you can keep your cookie in the jar.

Maybe I belong in the natural history museum for even suggesting to millennial women not to have sex. I just feel if you’ve had it before what’s the rush? Especially if you desire to find someone who will last beyond a moment. Sex can cloud compatibility, and a torrid affair is passionate, but it only lasts for so long. Once again I am not anti-sex keep the lines of communication open. I’m just suggesting knowing a person a little better before getting kinky.

Don’t get sad, get free!!

I read a woman’s Facebook status where she stated she wished she could un-fuck someone. My immediate first thought was to stop fucking people. That thought wasn’t judgemental it was real. If you’re not having sex you don’t have these awkward moments with men after they reveal their true selves.

You can’t control when you will meet Mr. Right. You can control what you do and do not give Mr. Wrong. Nothing feels better than that sigh of relief “Thank God, I didn’t sleep with that jerk!”

Once again, I could be the cave woman, at some point you have to ask yourself is the road to commitment one of choice or chance? Should you leave no stone left unturned? In my case, I plan on letting the rolling stones pass me by. Some heartbreak is inevitable, and some are excessive.

The beautiful sex organ is between your ears and not your legs-She’s Gotta Have It

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7 thoughts on “Is Keeping Your Cookie in the Jar Unrealistic?

  1. Stephanae V. McCoy says:

    I’m a wee bit older than the millennial, okay, maybe a lot older but experience has shown me that it’s best not to settle. Real men of quality don’t settle so why should women? I really like what you said here: “Why are you giving a Section 8 Voucher to your Park Avenue pent house” It’s true, just like the FB post you mentioned once the deed is done you can’t undo it so why place yourself in that situation. If I could go back in time I’d change so many things that I thought at the time were worth my time only to find out later they were only a waste of time. But, better late than never.

    Liked by 1 person

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