Is Keeping Your Cookie in the Jar Unrealistic?

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I am on strike, and it’s nothing new. When I am single, I usually do not partake in casual sex. Honestly, it’s a bunch of effort creating a false sense of intimacy with a guy so that we can have real sex.  Creating false trust with a man is like watching sand fall through an hourglass; it’s just a matter of time before something shady goes down.

I read, Glamazon Tyomi’s article on ebony.com Sex Before Commitment or Nah? She took a poll to determine if abstinence is the path to marriage or if we are fooling ourselves. The vast majority 62.5% felt it didn’t affect their chances of a long term relationship.

I know couples who had sex on the first few dates who eventually got married. That being said, I don’t have many married friends. I think the way society is set up it doesn’t matter if you wait or sleep with someone new every night you can end up being the same amount of single.

There is no magical set of actions that will make you un-single, but what if abstinence became a filter? A way to weed out the worthy and the unworthy and the process of locating the worthy became more diligent. This concept would only be valid to ladies who desire commitment. (because I am not anti-sex in any way)

What if, the thing that is keeping you from being in a committed relationship is trying to make relationships out of great sex? People can say what they want but for women, sex can often create emotional attachments. You can say with your mouth that this isn’t serious but after you’ve been intimate with someone the lines get blurred. In all honesty, the only time sex is truly crystal clear is when it’s bad.

These are my four reasons to “Keep Your Cookie in the Jar”

Hi, have we dated?

Dating is an endangered species. I know at least three couples in real life who never went on a date until they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Stop falling for the “Netflix and chill” it gives the man too much opportunity to get you comfortable.

Make him date you by making a suggestion for a short activity in public. You can take a walk, get an ice cream, or grab a coffee. If he isn’t down for any of your suggestions you can forget to text him back. You have your own Netflix subscription, and you can chill alone. Your cookie shouldn’t even leave it’s air tight container if you have no level of friendship and a man who won’t date you is a stranger.

5 Dates Ain’t Enough

If you are lucky enough to meet someone who will date you and take you on more than one date, rejoice. After you have done your private happy dance, don’t ease up just yet. The choice not to have sex is not malicious you want to make sure that the presenter and the man are one.

Most men know the deal and know just how long they need to be on their best behavior. Don’t be a shrinking violet. Men are not afraid to let women down when it comes to their expectations. I am not suggesting that Mr. Wonderful isn’t all that he says he is but wouldn’t it be nice to be sure.

Stop Getting into Sexuationships

If you are over the age of 25, you are too old to be friends with benefits. If you think having sex with someone and quietly keeping your feelings to yourself is healthy, grow up. Why are you giving a Section 8 Voucher to your Park Avenue penthouse?

If it’s sex, then let it be sex but don’t be friends. I understand women have needs, but potential friends with benefits just take up space. FWB is a form of settling, and you settle with bill collectors, not in relationships. Why waste time when you can keep your cookie in the jar.

Maybe I belong in the natural history museum for even suggesting to millennial women not to have sex. I just feel if you’ve had it before what’s the rush? Especially if you desire to find someone who will last beyond a moment. Sex can cloud compatibility, and a torrid affair is passionate, but it only lasts for so long. Once again I am not anti-sex keep the lines of communication open. I’m just suggesting knowing a person a little better before getting kinky.

Don’t get sad, get free!!

I read a woman’s Facebook status where she stated she wished she could un-fuck someone. My immediate first thought was to stop fucking people. That thought wasn’t judgemental it was real. If you’re not having sex you don’t have these awkward moments with men after they reveal their true selves.

You can’t control when you will meet Mr. Right. You can control what you do and do not give Mr. Wrong. Nothing feels better than that sigh of relief “Thank God, I didn’t sleep with that jerk!”

Once again, I could be the cave woman, at some point you have to ask yourself is the road to commitment one of choice or chance? Should you leave no stone left unturned? In my case, I plan on letting the rolling stones pass me by. Some heartbreak is inevitable, and some are excessive.

The beautiful sex organ is between your ears and not your legs-She’s Gotta Have It

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DIY Jeweled Clutch

I am addicted to statement pieces. Seriously when something speaks to me I drop the cash and leave my logic at home. I’m beginning to understand  that spending big money on pieces I am only going to wear on occasion is irrational.

I love evening clutches but they are expensive and too small to carry for everyday wear. I have been wanting a clear acrylic clutch so I ordered this one off ebay for $8. When I got it I thought it needed some sparkle!

For this project you will need:

Clear acrylic clutch

Assorted rhinestones

E6000

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Step One

Lay your clutch on a flat work surface. Plan out your design making sure you work around the larger rhinestones first.

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Step Two:

Spread a small amount of glue on the back of the rhinestone and attach it to the purse. Be sure to let the stones dry for at least 5 hours or overnight.

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Step Three:

Be sure to let the stones dry for at least 5 hours or overnight.

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Don’t forget to wear it!!

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Online Shopping | How to Find Your Size

 

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In a perfect world, my body fat would be placed evenly on my body. In this world, I carry the majority of my weight in my midsection. I don’t have the luck of having a tiny waist and proportionate hips.

This makes the plus size models online frustrating. These women don’t even appear to be plus size. How do I know what size to order? The size chart should be of some assistance, right?Not only is it hard to find clothes in the store, but ordering clothes online is like Russian roulette.

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These are my “Beyond the Size Chart” tips:

Know your measurements

The first step in understanding the size chart is to know your measurements. If you don’t already, you should always have a tape measure on hand. You will need the circumference of your bust, waist, and hips. Be sure your measurements are taken at the largest point of your bust and hips. Your waist measurement should be taken at your “true waist”, which is the narrowest part of your torso. If you are on the hunt for pants, be sure have a friend help with your leg inseam.

For real size women, it is important to know you have a dominant measurement. No matter what the size chart says, always order according to the largest part of yourself. You can have an item taken in but you can never add more fabric. Off the rack items have a standard sizing rules; a regular inseam for pants is 32 inches, most dresses measure about 45-50 inches from back to bottom.

A few suggestions additional suggestions,  it’s good to know that if your leg inseam is longer than 32 inches you need pants with longer inseams 33 1/2-34 inches. The reverse would go for women with inseams shorter than 30-31 inches.

Ladies with short inseams check SimplyBe there pants run small. I found that even their regular inseam is 30-31 inches. Are you a long tall drink of water? Torrid is offering some of their selections in extra long. ASOS has a collection especially for tall women and a few plus size option in tall. Also, check out sites like Long Tall Sally and Long Elegant Legs.

Every Designer is a Cut From a Different Cloth…Literally!

Every brand is different, some will run small and some will run larger. A good rule of the thumb is the cheaper the clothes the smaller the fit.  Brands like Forever 21+, Charlotte Russe, and Wet Seal + are juniors plus which means they run a full size smaller. Straight sizing can also run large I have found that Old Navy runs very large.  More expensive brands with better fabric tend to run true to size in sportswear. Formal clothing runs small across the board I would recommend sizing up if you are unfamiliar with the brand.

Read the Reviews

I have a hard time buying anything that has not already been purchased and reviewed online. Some stores like ModCloth. Torrid, Forever 21, and IGIG have enabled the ability to add a picture in the review section.  Real clothes on real women score!!  Just be sure to check the reviews before you checkout. People tend to express their discontent quickly when an item runs small or is made from unforgiving fabric.

Eye and Buy

I do love online shopping but, I am not above checking out what is on the shelves. I love Torrid, Forever 21+, Nordstrom Rack,  and Ava & Viv for Target.  I can have an item on my wish list and see it in the store and be happy that I didn’t buy it. I can look online and test my hypothesis in store. Nothing will truly ever beat time spent in the dressing room, but a girl can try.

Doing Hard Time at Dressing Room Prison 

Online shopping can be a cop out because you hate trying on clothes at the store. My advice to that is get over it! There is no way around it and besides isn’t returning an item more of a hassle.  Pick up your true standby pieces and a few wild cards and don’t get discouraged. Stop taking it personally when something doesn’t fit. There are times when I try on everything and nothing works. I accept that the universe doesn’t want me to have a new outfit. If you want the fit you’ve got to try it on.

In all honesty, there are no perfect fits here ladies. We are shopping off the rack. If you want a custom fit, you will want to consider seeking a tailor. Brands make clothes on a fit model who have measurements that sell. I hope these tips lead you to consistently finding clothes you love!

Dress; Torrid, Shoes; Michael Antonio(old), Flowers; H&M, Earring ;Charming Charlie (in store clearance) 

I’m showing off my great online buy from Torrid. I love Torrid because the cut and the fit is consistent with my body type. What brands work best with you shape? Share your stories in the comments below. 

For more Oh Wize One be sure to subscribe by clicking the button down below! You can also follow me on Facebook OhWize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter @ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!