Month: July 2015

In all seriousness my ex boyfriend and I were going to break up eventually. I think my cheap $3 crop top from Forever 21 just sped up the inevitable. We had been living together for over a year and I was at my breaking point. ( I would try to estimate how he was feeling around that time but this isn’t his blog)

Also if you think this post will be about how he made me feel insecure the night I wore a crop top, prepare to be disappointed. I bought the top about a month before I wore it out. I thought the sales associate neglected to put it in my bag.

I was getting dressed to go out with friends with high anxiety feeling like I had nothing to wear. Frantically throwing clothes around our bedroom I found my $3 crop top. My level of excitement went through the roof. I was finally going to get my opportunity to show off my chunky girl sexy like Gabi Fresh.

My boyfriend was sick and he decided to stay home. He has a chronic illness and any other night I would have stayed in the house with him. The supportive girlfriend in me had been exhausted and she was tired of staying in. I kissed my sick boyfriend goodbye and meet up with my friends. I felt provocative and free.

For the first time in a long time I felt young and energetic. My friends and I had a good laugh about my outfit and I danced the night away. I returned home tipsy with a truthful tongue.

He asked, “Did you have a good time?”

I replied, “Yes, I had the best time. I didn’t have to worry about anything.”

A flood of thoughts rushed over me after I said that to him. Things that I don’t think I had been allowing myself to think. I had been trying for so long to be a good girlfriend, an effective communicator, and a potential life mate that I ignored my internal voice of reason.

I won’t go into every detail of why he broke up with me. Even though he said it first it felt incredibly mutual. If you feel like you are not taking the next step in order to be “the good girlfriend” here are three things to consider before you wear a crop top and leave your boyfriend sick in bed:

Until you are married you are single

After my bestfriend got married this was her enlightening advice. At the time it sounded so harsh, now it feels like an affirmation. The truth is until you are married every sacrifice you make in a relationship is a good will offering.

Be prepared to live with anything you give away during the course of a relationship. Would you loan someone a large amount of money knowing there is a possibility you may not get paid back. Treat your time and energy like money in a relationship because you may not get that piece of yourself back.

Stop Circling the Runway

In the age of the independent woman the expectation is for you to have it all together, all the time. It almost makes you scared to ask your partner for anything because you’re suppose to have it all together. Everyone is a work in progress you can’t always have it all together. For those moments when you don’t, wouldn’t be nice to know you have somewhere to land.

A safe place within your partner that you come in for an emergency landing. I feel like as aspiring independent women we cheat ourselves in relationships. We engage in partnerships where you can’t land because your partner has no where for you to land. We continue to circle the runway trying to appear like we don’t need to stop for fuel. Eventually you will run out of steam or worse crash and burn. A fish and a bird can fall in love but where will they live?

Iyanla Vanzant is right!

Anyone who has watched an episode of Iyanla Fix My Life knows this statement “you get to ask for what you want!” What is never said afterwords is, they may respond with no. After I wore that crop top I asked for what I wanted in my relationship. Him breaking up with me was a clear no. Being told no is good.

No, means move on with your life and get what you asked for. You just won’t be getting it from the source in which you hoped it would come from. Be prepared to stand next to what you want because if you don’t it sends the message that you don’t really want it.

This post is not telling you to wear a crop top. This post is not telling you to breakup with your boyfriend. It’s telling you to be who you are and get what you want. I wanted an excuse to dress like Gabi Fresh. I wanted to be able to focus on writing and be an artist. I wanted to break up with someone who wasn’t a bad person just not the person for me. I got what I wanted.

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     Slutsexual: a person who enjoys sexual thoughts, sexual conversation, or fun flirting with no real intent on having sex.

Do you have slutty thoughts but good girl intentions? If you have ever seen the movie  Pretty Woman, Vivian (Julia Roberts) and Kit (Laura San Giacomo) have a saying that brings dignity to their working girl profession “I say who, I say when, and I say how much!”  Slutsexuals have the tendency to exclaim who but seldom get around to the when or the how much.

I can totally relate to the woes of a slutsexual because I am one (a big one). The fantasy you create about someone you have been admiring from afar can often be way better than the reality. Why ruin the torrid love affair in your head based on who this person is?

Not sure if you’re a slutsexual. It’s okay I have gathered a list of slutsexual tendencies and how you can make them work for you and not against you.

You are a serial monogamist 

For as much as you like sex, you are definitely not going to have it with a stranger. For some strange reason, you think sex and relationships go together.  Which isn’t a bad thing but if you don’t get a solid perspective on your intimacy level with potential mates it can end disastrously for you.

Every conquest is not a qualified contestant to be your man. You have to take dating at face value and believe people when they say who they are. Stop fantasizing the moment you have a real conversation with your dream man.

If sex and being in a relationship go hand in hand in your mind there is nothing wrong with you; it ’s your space! You may want to consider dating for longer periods of time before creating a sexual relationship. It’s just sex; you ’ve had it before it ain’t going nowhere, you can wait!

Talk a good talk 

I hold a special place in my heart for ladies who catcall. You see a good-looking man you just can’t let him pass by without letting him know.  Being a big flirt is fun it gives me an excuse to utilize all my good pick up lines. Throwing out witty pickup lines is fun until you catch the ear of someone who takes you seriously.

Save a few one-liners for your girlfriends and have a good laugh later. It saves you from having to save yourself from that awkward didn’t mean to turn you on explanation.

The Ultimate 

Slutsexuals are the ultimate lady in the streets freak in sheets.  I may call out a fine man when I see one, I may make a dirty joke, I may even spit some fly game, but none of that out weighs my values. Once again I say who, I say when, and I say how much.

 I believe there is a misconception that owning your sexuality means having lots of sex with lots of different people. I think it means owning what you want and how you want it. So if I feel like my fun, fierce, sassy sex only belongs to a person who I have a level of trust with then it’s my business. It’s my responsibility to ensure that I am only having sex within the parameters in which I feel comfortable.

The bottom line here is the key to your freak is given to whomever you chose worthy at which the frequency you chose. As a woman, I honestly feel like there is pressure on both ends to give or not give it up. The true power lies in recognizing your boundaries and not wavering when society says to be anything other than what you are.

So are you a slutsexual?? Let me know in the comments below!!!

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